Curse

Storm Crow · Dec 08, 2005, 10:18 PM // 22:18

I wrote these next few sections myself, and a friend of mine said they were really awesome. the first one almost made her cry.

Caged Bird

And now I know,
Why the caged bird sings,
Unable to fly,
Or stretch his wings,

And as I sit here,
Caged, alone,
With nothing,
To call my own,

The time rolls on,
Without delay,
I wish I might,
I wish I may,

Break from these chains,
To fly again,
But time goes on,
And numbs the pain.

And yet the chains,
Refuse to break,
And will still be here,
When I wake,

From shortened slumber,
Hastened breath,
But it does not come,
My friend, of Death

Necromancer's Chant

In the darkness,
We find light,
We find shelter,
In the night,

Shadows many,
Brightness none,
Grenth is master,
We are one,

Together, difference,
There is one,
But we together,
Can't be won,

Bone minions, fiends,
The people think,
But in reality,
They're the link,

Death is pleasnt,
Life, a curse,
As we chant this,
Verse by verse,

Grenth we call you,
Your Children cry,
Our existance,
Is a lie,

there's my contribution to society, if you have any more, feel free to post them here (flames and comments also welcome

)

Symeon · Dec 09, 2005, 08:33 PM // 20:33

Good, A grade for effort, A+ for style, B for presentation. Big tick.

No really, it was good.

Storm Crow · Dec 09, 2005, 09:34 PM // 21:34

thanks

4runner · Dec 09, 2005, 11:13 PM // 23:13

I want to go home a let my parrot "BE FREE" very nice!!!

daring dolittle · Dec 16, 2005, 10:03 AM // 10:03

very good. i like.

write some more.

daring

Storm Crow · Dec 18, 2005, 08:12 PM // 20:12

here's one I wrote a couple nights ago, finished product done today.

Broken Wings and Shattered Dreams

Oh how I wish,
To fly away,
And dream again,
In any way,

But my wings ar broken,
And dreams lay shattered,
Even clothing,
Torn and tattered,

My heart is saddened,
Torn in two,
Between my freedom,
And beloved, you,

And how I long,
For day to break,
And from this nightmare,
Shall I wake,

Wings will mend,
And dreams repair,
And make new,
The clothes I wear,

But still my heart,
Is cracked and scarred,
Leaving souls,
Abandoned, barred,

My magic has,
But gone away,
And is bleeding,
Staining day,

Making dark,
The purest light,
Turning it,
As black as night,

Is it right?
This thing I feel?
Unable to,
Chaoke down a meal?

Is it I?
The fabled one?
I guess I'll know,
When life is done...

-----------

I know, not as good as some, but I was tired...

and if you're wondering about the last verse, it was supposed to be an angel talking. She believes she is the root of evil, and you can only tell if you are by the color of your blood, and since angels don't bleed, once her soul died again it could see the true color of her blood, to tell if she really was or not.

inspiring pic:

daring dolittle · Dec 19, 2005, 06:02 AM // 06:02

another good poem. good meter, good rhyme. harder to interpret, i.e. more confusing.

daring.

Antisocial · Dec 19, 2005, 08:32 AM // 08:32

Forged by hate..
Chosen by fate..
No matter were you will hide..
It's our final battle, time to decide..

The everlasting battle between good and wrong..
Both physically powerfull, and mentally strong..

You've betrayed me..
So it's time to see..
Who will own
And who will go down.

God has chosen the arena, the devil has chosen our gear.
Rush into this battle, have no FEAR!
THERE wont be another chance!
This will be our FINAL dance!!
---------------------------------
Kinda made to read agressive though, and my english grammar aint correct i guess..

Just something i sucked out of my thumb in about 2 minutes..

daring dolittle · Dec 20, 2005, 07:13 AM // 07:13

strong and brave is how i would describe this chant. it's strong in words and sentiments. it's brave because not everything had to rhyme and not everything had fit a cute formula.

daring

Storm Crow · Jan 14, 2006, 04:30 PM // 16:30

Another new one...

Bloodstained Rain

Please save me,
From this evil place,
Take me back,
In your sweet embrace,

I never meant,
To leave you there,
Please save me now,
For that is where,

Their wings are broken,
And dreams lay shattered,
Even clothing,
Torn and tattered,

I know it feels,
So very odd,
In the rain,
And distant fog,

Of that place,
That they call,
The place where pure ones,
Go to fall,

The land of Heartbreak,
Is dark and drear,
And full of,
Many, many fears,

I know now,
That land of sorrow,
And do not wish,
To wake tomorrow,

To the sound,
Of distant cries,
As their wings are taken,
So they cannot fly,

Away from here,
And it's rain,
And the heartbreak,
Burns and pains,

I know that
What I did was wrong,
And now I sing,
The ancient song,

The one that tells,
Of hidden pain,
And of the sacred,
Healing rain,

The rain of love,
That once I knew,
And that I took,
Away from you,

But I wish,
Please, to return,
From this land,
And it's burn,

My wings will mend,
And dreams repair,
And make new,
The clothes I wear,

But I need the love,
Of an old friend,
To help my broken,
Scarred wings mend,

Please, take my hand,
And lead me far,
Back to the land,
Where the light things are,

I do not wish,
To see the pain,
Of that ancient,
Bloodstained rain,

I wish to feel,
And love again,
And only you,
Can take that pain,

Away from what,
Has come to be,
The heartless, empty,
Shell of me,

I beg of you,
Please take me far,
Far away,
From where they are,

I wish only,
To love again,
And take away,
That bloodstained rain...

megalomaniac_mutant · Jan 14, 2006, 06:13 PM // 18:13

*claps*

yes, moving. very nice indeed.

peace

M

Storm Crow · Feb 02, 2006, 12:06 AM // 00:06

ho hum...another poem...

My Forgotten Love

...And so my tender
Heart I hide,
And in no one,
I confide,

And though the pain
You've put me through,
My heart still beats
For one man, you,

And yet my eyes,
Won't let me hide,
Within the shadows,
Of my lies,

They glint with love,
And even pain,
At every hint,
And sound of your name,

I've told them "No...",
And banished the blush,
But if only the memories,
I could flush,

I'd make the horrible,
Thoughts disappear,
And disipate all,
Those pain-filled tears,

I'd wonder why,
You's make me cry,
Even though near you,
My heart would fly,

The childish crush,
Of younger years,
Has turned to love,
One of my worst fears,

I know not why,
I feared it so,
Maybe the tears,
Or heartbroken bloodflow,

But still, the light
Of love shone through,
The wall that I'd built,
Between I and you,

I used to believe,
That light was a lie,
A horrible untruth,
That, no, not I,

Could ever love,
Or be given the same,
And I realize now,
That that thought was a shame,

And every time
That you'd come near,
My heart would pound
In my chest with fear,

Another theory,
Another pain,
Another time,
I'd curse your name,

Please, tell me that
I'll be okay,
My forgotten love,
Uchiha Sasuke...

Rayndeon · Feb 08, 2006, 11:23 AM // 11:23

Caged Bird directly plagiarized Dunbar along with Angelou. You ought to be ashamed. :P

Necromancer's Chant had too choppy verse; you need to extend the verse itself and increase the imagery; revise it.

The rest read like typical "emo" poems.

Storm Crow · Feb 08, 2006, 11:39 PM // 23:39

who are you to judge my writing? Caged Bird is not plagorized, Nacromancer's Chant is the way it's SUPPOSED to be, and they are not RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GOing emo poems, unless you call deep emo...

good god, I'd hate to see you become a critic.

Rayndeon · Feb 09, 2006, 06:18 AM // 06:18

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger." -- Franklin P. Jones

Sir, I am attempting to honestly criticize your writing. I was joking when I was speaking of Caged Bird: look at the emote. In any case though, Maya Angelou and Dunbar have both used almost the exact same words that you started off with. Regardless, the first comment is a joke.

My comment on Necromancer's Chant was honest; I fail to see why you would be offended by this. Just because a person criticizes your writing should not make him worthy of your dislike. Your comment that Necromancer's Chant is " it's SUPPOSED to be" implies that you are not open to criticism.

As for the poems I labelled "emo," I am sorry if it offended you but they carried themes and devices I happen to see rampant in such poems. However, your poems were certainly deeper than theirs in sorts.

Sir, in the end, I ask you to end your hostility and accept honest criticism as a tool to improve your own writings.

As I understand, my comment seemed to imply an absolutist stance. I am sorry it seemed that way; I was all too tired when I had written I am afraid, Sir.

Sincerely Yours,

Rayndeon

ownage of teh elite · Feb 10, 2006, 04:34 AM // 04:34

^ Smartass, don't hurt your brain with words you don't understand.

And stormy, *Claps* good poems.

Keep it up.

Rayndeon · Feb 10, 2006, 09:36 AM // 09:36

Sir,

Are you referring to the connotation or denotation of the words in his poems? I believe I understand both.

Storm Crow · Feb 10, 2006, 10:33 PM // 22:33

Dude, I'm not a GUY STOP CALLING ME SIR!

And a HUGE thanks to all my fans and friends, both here and quizilla!! Especially Ownage and Seishi!! Love you guys tons!

~Stormy (a.k.a. Chains, Shi, Lyn, Mistress Heartbreak, etc., etc.)

Rayndeon · Feb 10, 2006, 10:48 PM // 22:48

I apologize for being irresponsible and misrepresenting your gender. While technically, some schools of thought have grammatically neutralized "Sir," many view "Sir" to be a strictly masculine word, especially with its derivations from French, in which the word itself is masculine. Of course, this does not excuse my referral to your poems with a masculine possessive, and as such, I am sorry for offending you so.

longboringname · Feb 10, 2006, 10:49 PM // 22:49

...............poetry is beutiful